A weekly self-portrait

I'm tired of putting myself down and I've noticed lately that we, as women and mothers, seem to be tired of feeling bad about ourselves. We have had enough of society's definition of beauty, because not only is it unrealistic, it's downright discouraging. I am sick of beating myself up. I have had enough of feeling inadequate.

I had heard that when I get in my thirties, I will finally start getting comfortable in my own skin and not worrying about society's beauty standard. Why did it have to take until then? But, I have found that to be true! Granted, I am newly thirty, but, I have slowly been coming to realize that there are more important things in life than how I should be looking in my jeans. I am ready to free myself. I think this is true, because I had a dream where I was naked in front of a bunch of people and I was okay! I wasn't freaked out like I would have been a year ago even! I didn't wake up traumatized or disturbed...only confused why I would have dreamt something like that.

I am ready to start living and believing what my husband says he sees in me, and God must see when He looks at me... that I am beautiful, created for a purpose, perfect. Yes, I said perfect. That's so much more important during these days and minutes that we are granted than worrying about how I look! God doesn't make mistakes, we know that. Why do we treat ourselves as if we are something that needs to be fixed? I look at my daughter and I see a beautiful little girl who loves herself and believes that we love her for who she is and not what she should be or how she should look. I do not want to be responsible for squashing her self esteem because I'm modeling the opposite. I see my son and want to help him grow up into a man that one day will love and respect women and not expect them to be a certain form or shape or grace the cover of a magazine before he'll acknowledge them.

I'm not saying that taking care of ourselves is a bad thing. I think it's important to eat healthy and to exercise (I' m going to be working on that)... to be responsible for the health of our bodies. We are temples! Christ dwells in our bodies and we are responsible to take care of them. But enough is enough! Let's be proud of who we are. We have muffin tops and jiggly arms, cellulite and stretch marks. Our breasts are not as perky as they once were. Who cares?

Why obsess? We have more important things to concern ourselves with. Our self worth comes from the Lord! Our joy can not depend on whether or not we can fit into the jeans we wore three years ago, or even three weeks ago. We will only be full of grief and depression. Our joy must come from Him and not depend on our circumstances. He trumps them!!

I have seen a few blogs that are doing a weekly self-portrait of themselves and I have been challenged, personally, to do it myself. Not for you, but for me. For my husband. For my precious children. You are welcome to tag along, I even encourage you to do it with me. You don't have to make it public like this, maybe in a journal or something. Just reflect on yourself and how incredible you are that God made you just the way he wants and has plans for you! Isn't that amazing?!

I am not very comfortable having my picture taken unless I am holding one of my children, and even then, I don't know what to do with my face! I'm not comfortable with how I look! I'm a little bit more comfortable taking pictures of myself, because I don't feel as silly when no one is watching. I guess I've always felt a bit vain taking pictures of myself, unless it's a picture of my hair - and then it's not even of me really. I think this challenge will help me to get over that. What memories will our children have of us if we don't include ourselves in the photos.

So I am diving into the challenge and will do my best to take a self portrait every week. I may be alone, I may be with the kids (because they are, after all, a part of me).

I'm ready to be more comfortable with myself and I'm interested to see how this will affect my daily life.